some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
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