I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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