I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
