Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
