How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
