he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
