Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
