dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
