too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I love having hate sex.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
