Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
