You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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