My girlfriend figured out who you are.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
