I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
