Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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