try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Randomize
