why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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