You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
