I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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