You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Less talking, more tequila
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
