yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
