I think I won the penis lottery.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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