dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
40s are totally the cure
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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