happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I understand Curling. That high.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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