I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
