I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
