I accidentally burped into my bong.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
