No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
