In the future we'll all be gay
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
