I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
The uberlube is also flammable
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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