I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Randomize
