he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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