Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
this boner is exhausting
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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