Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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