Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
