Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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