just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
my shit smells like andre
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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