I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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