im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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