Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
