OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
