I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
