look no pants
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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