Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
