I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
i think im in europe. pls send help
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
