I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
