I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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