tell your sister to shave her snatch
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
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