I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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