For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
