So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
