I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
