i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I woke up under a house in Key West
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
