The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
