How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
